The elephant and the dandelion (a defense of men) -- If you will just shut up, I can explain: a man answers questions from women -- The heart of dadness: a letter to a first-time-father-to-be -- Dance recital -- Technology -- Solving the celebrity problem -- Tips for visiting Miami-- no. 1 : are you insane? -- Dog ownership for beginners -- My Hollywood career: the big dumpster -- 24: The ultimate script -- The full coward package -- The health-care crisis: wash your hands after reading this -- Colonoscopy -- A practical, workable plan for saving the newspaper business: I sure don't have one -- Judaism for Christians -- Fangs of endearment: a vampire novel -- A festival of grimness -- Father of the groom.

In this brilliantly funny exploration of the treacherous state of adulthood by the Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist, Barry tackles everything from fatherhood to new fatherhood to songs.